


Find Your Voice (But Not Like That)

by CongressIsAliens



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Family, Gen, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), Swearing, Toddlers, lots and lots of swearing, seriously, shitpost, this is also not my usual content quality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:35:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27568360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CongressIsAliens/pseuds/CongressIsAliens
Summary: They say that cussing is chemically more like laughter than language. Not really words, but more of a release of emotions.That doesn't mean a toddler can't pick it up.
Relationships: Ferb Fletcher & Perry the Platypus
Comments: 15
Kudos: 95





	Find Your Voice (But Not Like That)

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is a shitpost

Without a doubt, January is the worst month of the year. After the initial burst of energy from New Year's Eve comes thirty one gray, dreary, cold days. Each one just like the last. 

Perry shakes his hand out, wishing it was summer. Summer means it isn't freezing in the apartment he shares with Lawrence and Ferb, and it takes his hand a little longer to cramp up when he's doing his paperwork.

But no, it's January. It's raining outside, a little drizzle that makes everything just this side of miserable. 

At least he's home, for now. He's been running all over the globe for the past few months, putting out figurative fires (and a couple literal ones). 

He's likely only going to be home for a couple more days before he goes back out, since he's been spending the last week or so doing paperwork. 

At least he's got a distraction tonight. He's watching his one and a half year old nephew, Ferbs, while Lawrence is out on a date. 

Speaking of Ferb, he should probably tuck him in. Time has been passing far quicker than it has any right to, and Ferb has gotten quieter than usual. 

Then after Ferb is in bed, right back to paperwork until he falls asleep with his face on the pages. 

Ah, the perks of being a secret agent. 

Actually, it's a surprisingly good job, if you don't think about the paperwork and the hours.

Hey, where else is a mostly mute guy like him going to work? Everywhere else requires some level of talking. 

Because yeah, Perry is mute. Other than a few unpredictable noises (mostly laughs, swears, and the occasional scream of frustration that leaves him hoarse for days), he's silent. 

Besides, there are other people in OWCA that can do the talking. Perry is the man they send when they need someone to be silent, to listen. 

Perry has found that people always say more when there is space to speak. In fact, the longer the silences go on, the deeper the secrets tend to be. 

Unfortunately, that trend of filling the silence does not extend to his nephew. 

Ferb is an enigma. He's practically been a model child development-wise, hitting every single milestone exactly on time. Rolling, crawling, walking, everything is just as it should be. Except for talking.

He doesn't babble, he doesn't even make attempts at forming speech. 

It isn't a matter of deafness, or vocal chord damage. He cried just fine as an infant, still does on occasion. His hearing is also perfectly fine, as he understands when Lawrence says things.

He just doesn't talk. 

Perry can relate. After months of trying to voluntarily coax a single word out of his throat, he had given up on the idea. His brain refuses to let him talk. Perhaps Ferb is the same, or maybe he merely imitates Perry's lack of speech. 

Thankfully, there are other methods of communication. For example, ASL. Perry doesn't use it often outside his family, since most people don't know it, but Ferb knows most of the simple signs, like _bedtime._

Speaking of which, he should _really_ get Ferb to bed. He's been doing _something_ semi-quietly for the past hour, which means he's probably been drawing on the walls or something. 

Perry gets up, checking his watch. Nine PM. A little late to get a one year old to bed, but at least somewhat acceptable. 

Unfortunately, with this checking of his watch, he isn't watching where he's going and he smacks his elbow on the door frame of Ferb's room. Right on the funny bone. Ow. 

Cursing a blue streak and nursing his elbow, he looks up. 

Ferb, who was peacefully coloring on his bed, makes eye contact with Perry. He cocks his head, all innocent and smiling, and Perry's heart goes cold. No, no, no-

"Fuck?" he asks, his voice with a hint of proper British lilt, the perfect counterpoint to Perry's Australian brogue. 

Perry's face falls. Shit. No, wait. Fuck. Wait, no, _fuck,_ he isn't _supposed_ to be cursing in front of Ferb. 

Although it's perhaps a bit late for that now. Ferb can talk, that's for sure. And his current ratio of cusses to real words is worse than that of the average high school student. 

Either way, there's no chance in hell that he's telling Lawrence that Ferb's first word was a cuss. He'll likely find out anyway, since Lawrence is many things, but he's not _stupid._ By then, though, Perry will likely be on a plane to somewhere far away. 

Ferb cusses three more times while Perry gets him ready for bed, and each time, Perry's stomach sinks further. At some point, Lawrence is going to get home, and then the truth will come out. 

And when Perry signs for Ferb to cut it out, he only says it again. Over and over. 

Ferb is an excellent toddler, but he's still a toddler. And that means he's defiant to a fault. Every single time Perry tries to steer Ferb away from swear words, he keeps saying them more. 

Maybe Perry will get lucky, and Ferb will go to sleep before Lawrence gets home, and he'll forget about everything in the morning. 

No such luck. The front door opens with it's usual squeak, which means Lawrence is back. Perry makes a shushing motion at Ferb, who merely smiles innocently. 

"Hey there, Ferbs," Lawrence says, sitting on the edge of Ferb's bed and ruffling his bright green hair. "How we doing?"

Perry gulps from the doorway. 

With all the measured precision of a toddler who knows exactly what sort of naughty thing they're about to do, Ferb smiles. 

And in a perfectly clear, proper British accented voice, he says "Fuck."

About a dozen emotions flash across Lawrence's face, none of them good and all of them conflicting. He looks over at Perry, one eyebrow raised. 

Perry merely grins sheepishly. _Well, at least we know he can talk now, right?_

**Author's Note:**

> fyi, the working title of this fic was literally "ferb says fuck"
> 
> Comments and kudos always appreciated!


End file.
